It's been a while...

Yeah, it's been a while. I wasn't really i a blogging mood. I was sad for a while. Then I was busy. I'm still busy, but no long as sad, I think. University is just about finished (I have 4 days of field experience, one assignment and one exam left). The Grad Ball is coming up in 2 weeks and then there's my Convocation on June first (my friend should be coming from Calgary for that!). I'm really excited/nervous/anxious about going out into the real world, as a real adult, with an actual degree and a supposed purpose in life.

When I went to school, I did just that. Everyday (or so). It was my purpose, my goal, I had a clear idea of what I was meant to do everyday (or so). But now, I'm done with (formal) education. I'm a responsible adult who needs a job and eventually an apartment... and isn't THAT a scary thought?

I know, my posts are sooo emo. Bear with me...

I'm really new at this responsible adult thing. I still don't consider myself an adult and I'm somewhat startled when I'm told that I am one. I mean, really.

Well, enough whining, I suppose. Would you like to know what I've been up to? Let's see. My last post was in November... Since then, I've:

• I moved into my own apartment, kind of, upstairs from my parents
  
• Celebrated Christmas. It was nice.
• Celebrated my 25th birthday. It was super nice. I had my family and friends (some from California!) help me celebrate at a fantastic Portuguese restaurant called Porto Mar. You should go.
• Started my last semester EVER at McGill for my B.Ed. I was missing three credits, so I had to pile on an extra class. I'm managing it well, so far.
• I went to the Big Apple, NYC for the first time for a friend's birthday.
  
• Learned to hate something called a SPEAQ Quest. Hate it SO MUCH. FUCK THE SPEAQ QUEST was our motto and I stand by it.
  
• I learned to hate group work. As well meaning as everyone is, work is never divided equally. It's no one's fault, really, but ultimately there's one person who does more work.
• I started my final field experience (and only have four days left).
• I've learned to enjoy reading my favourite novels for the second, third, fourth time.
• I've learned that a little slash fanfic isn't a bad thing.
• I've rediscovered the joys of Stars Hollow.
• I'm still cleaning my room.
  

I think we're all caught up.

Oh, and I'm sick.

Good night!

In the Key of Awesome

The title of this post was inspired by my friend Jody, you should check out her blog.

So it seems that the pain and suffering I went through with my wisdom teeth actually had some benefits.

1. My mouth doesn't hurt anymore. My gums were always in pain before, I could constantly feel my wisdom teeth growing. It was not fun.
2. My face looks a little thinner now, with my back wisdom gone. I know it's just that the inflammation they caused in my everyday life is gone, but I feel it made a huge difference.
3. I lost weight.
   

Yep, #3 is the most important part, I think. When I had to brush my teeth/rinse out my mouth after I ate, I seriously considered the merit of each snack before eating it (or not). It turns out that being too lazy to get up off the sofa and brushing your teeth seriously diminished the calories you consume in a day. It also trained me not to snack as much: I fell out of the habit. With this weight loss, I'm starting to fit in clothes I never thought I'd fit in again. You know all those old clothes at the back of your closet that you can't bring yourself to give away? Well, I'm starting to fit into them again. Dresses, shirts, jackets... I doubt I'll ever fit into my size 5 jeans again, (seen here, on the right), but I'll be happy if get into my size 12 suit jacket.

Man, look at me in that picture. I was 16, and I had just died my hair strawberry blond to cover up hot pink streaks that I had gotten to celebrate my sweet 16. On the left there, that's me with pink hair. And skinnier. And pretty hot, might I add. It's too bad I didn't know how hot I was back then, I could have been one hell of a heart-breaker.

Either way, I'm glad I'm losing weight. Woo!

Numbers

193
There are 193 days until my Convocation, on June 1st at 10am. I'm looking forward to walking across that stage in front of my family, friends and classmates and finally receiving my diploma. It'll be the official end to my university journey: the culmination of four years of work on my Bachelor of Education.

162
There are 162 days until the Education Grad Ball, on April 30th. We don't have much information about it, but I'm really excited about it. There's a preliminary plan of renting limos and going all out with an after party, ending in a typical Montreal high school prom cliché: watching the sunrise on the mountain (which isn't really a mountain, as such). What a great party, that will be. Some past graduates have tried to tell me that I shouldn't get too excited, as their Grad Ball was lame, but I know that a party is what you make of it. Our Grad Ball will be awesome, because we will make it awesome.

138
There are 138 days until my last day of class, on April 6th. That will be a really big event, I'm sure. Unless it's a really shitty event because I'll have a lot of assignments due. It'll be one or the other, for sure.

Update

So, I got my wisdom teeth out last week (Thursday, October 28th). All four wisdom teeth. At the same time. And, of course - because it's me - there were complications. The bottom left wisdom tooth was problematic. I'm not quite clear on the details (my mother doesn't want me to worry, she says), but they had to dig deep, to the bone. Fun! I'm mostly better now, but I'm still very sore. I actually called the dentist to check out these, umm, lumps? on the inside of my cheeks, kind of adjoining my lower jaw. Turns out, that's what's sore, not my gums themselves. No idea what's up with that. Dentist said it's "normal scar tissue" and not to be worried unless it still hurts next week. He said that I should be 100% healed by next week and if not, to go see him. For now, though, I need to keep brushing after every meal and the do a warm salt water rinse. This means, I'm not eating at school unless I bring a thermos of warm salt water.

I also started working. WOO! PAYCHECKS! I'm really excited about getting an income again and being able to pay my own bills. And have a little left over to save for a trip to New York after my birthday, for a friend's 23rd. This will be my first time in the Big Apple and I'm looking forward to having a nice steak dinner. I think that if I'm in NYC, I need to have a nice steak dinner. We're also trying to see a Broadway show: the birthday girl has her heart set on a specific one that seems to have cheap seats. Another friend wants to go to a bar owed by one of her favourite musicians, so we're going to try to hit that up too. All that along with 2 nights at a 3.5 star hotel.... let's just say I'm thrilled to be getting paid again!

Hmm, what else? I'm glad I took an "easy" semester at school. I only have one final. My art History class isn't as easy as I thought it would be, but since I took it as a "pass/fail" (meaning I don't get a grade, just a remark that I passed or failed and it doesn't affect my GPA), I'm not worried about getting an A. I just need to pass the next exam and the two bullshit assignments and I'm in the clear. Two of my other two classes are complete bullshit classes, I'm not worried. My last class is the last real class I need for my B. Ed. It's called "Policy Issues in Quebec Education" aKa "I don't give a crap about how unfair Quebec treats teachers and students." Seriously, Quebec education treats Anglophones as second class citizens, and teachers as slaves, but whatever. It is what it is, right?

Other than all that, life is pretty good. Our Grad Ball was announced and I am really excited about that.

That's all.

For now.

Choices

Everyday, I make a choice. I choose to either get up and get on with life or stay in bed and hot snooze and wallow in the fact that I have no idea how to get my shit together.

When I have school, and I know it's an important, I usually (begrudgingly) choose the first option. Then, I'm faced with two other choices: get up and be happy about it or get up and sulk. Recently, my mother told me she admires the fact that I'm so pleasant in the morning. I had no idea that what I was doing demonstrated pleasantness, but I'll take any compliments I can get!

I'm not always happy. When I am, the happiness rarely lasts all day. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, but I try my darnedest to get over it and move on. As a friend I met in Italy said: Just build a bridge and get over it. She has a point. Life isn't always champagne and strawberries, but we can't all sit there and wallow in the utter despair we all sometimes feel. We can't just indulge ourselves and have a constant "pity-me" party. You know the old saying "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" It's a good saying. It means be proactive, be progressive, get off your ass and do something. For me, that something is the simple act of choosing to shower and get dressed and go out. For others, it may be simply picking up the phone and calling an old friend. Or it might be as complicated as calling someone for help.

I hate asking for help. I feel like asking for help is a sign of my own personal weakness. What's wrong with me, that I can't handle my shit by myself? Well, what's wrong with me is that my shit's too complicated for its creator: I'm that messed up (or so I think). And what have I learned? I've learned that's perfectly okay. It's okay to be fucked up. Everyone's fucked up, in there own way. And that, my friends, is what get's me through the day.

You see, if everyone's fucked up, then maybe I'm not the most fucked up being on the planet. If everyone's fucked up, then people can "get" what I'm going through. If everyone's fucked up, then maybe we're not that fucked up after all?