Choices

Everyday, I make a choice. I choose to either get up and get on with life or stay in bed and hot snooze and wallow in the fact that I have no idea how to get my shit together.

When I have school, and I know it's an important, I usually (begrudgingly) choose the first option. Then, I'm faced with two other choices: get up and be happy about it or get up and sulk. Recently, my mother told me she admires the fact that I'm so pleasant in the morning. I had no idea that what I was doing demonstrated pleasantness, but I'll take any compliments I can get!

I'm not always happy. When I am, the happiness rarely lasts all day. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed, but I try my darnedest to get over it and move on. As a friend I met in Italy said: Just build a bridge and get over it. She has a point. Life isn't always champagne and strawberries, but we can't all sit there and wallow in the utter despair we all sometimes feel. We can't just indulge ourselves and have a constant "pity-me" party. You know the old saying "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade?" It's a good saying. It means be proactive, be progressive, get off your ass and do something. For me, that something is the simple act of choosing to shower and get dressed and go out. For others, it may be simply picking up the phone and calling an old friend. Or it might be as complicated as calling someone for help.

I hate asking for help. I feel like asking for help is a sign of my own personal weakness. What's wrong with me, that I can't handle my shit by myself? Well, what's wrong with me is that my shit's too complicated for its creator: I'm that messed up (or so I think). And what have I learned? I've learned that's perfectly okay. It's okay to be fucked up. Everyone's fucked up, in there own way. And that, my friends, is what get's me through the day.

You see, if everyone's fucked up, then maybe I'm not the most fucked up being on the planet. If everyone's fucked up, then people can "get" what I'm going through. If everyone's fucked up, then maybe we're not that fucked up after all?

Dance in the rain

Sad Michele is less sad then yesterday.

I'm not going to Hong Kong. I was so sad and upset and frustrated about this yesterday. Why didn't they pick me? I'm awesome! So I thought to myself, "What would Barney Stinson do?" and I answered "Well, I can just stop being sad and be awesome instead." And that's the plan. I'm going to plan to do something awesome and incredible and fantastic, because that's who I am and that's what I do.

I'm going to try to plan a European trip/extended teaching experience. I'll start with a sure thing: I'll go back to Italy. I'll also apply to this program I know of in Spain, where they pay for your flight. From there, I would like to see Portugal, Amsterdam, Greece, France, the UK, Austria, Switzerland... I want see it all! Yes, I know this is expensive. I don't think I'll be able to do everything this summer, but I'll be able to do enough. Italy, Spain and Greece are the main points on my list. And my main goal is to be in Spain for La Tomatina in August.

Do you know what La Tomatina is? It's a GIANT tomato fight. In the town of Buñol, Spain, THOUSANDS of tourists invade and throw over 50000 pounds of tomatoes at each other. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a really good time to me. In fact, it sounds like it's a fantastic thing to attend and every one should go at least once in their life.

What will I need to help me with this? A job, for starters. I've applied at a private tutoring company. I'm hoping to hear from them this week. If I don't get it, I'm not worried: I'm getting $30 for participating in a Linguistic study tomorrow. Oh and I won $6 on a Bingo lotto scratch ticket. I did, however, spend $20 on lunch, but that's because we have no food in the house, again. Hopefully, someone will go grocery shopping tonight.

I have my sculpture class tonight: I really like it! I thought it would be awful and too intense, but I like it a lot. I'm carving plaster for now. Then I'll make a clay thing a little later this semester. I'm really enjoying it, but I'm at a loss as to what to carve on a certain section. I could easily do "whatever," but I'm going to be spending a lot of time on it and I'd like to be able to display it when it's finished.

The moral of the story? I think I'll be fine.

Sad Michele is sad.

I'm not going to Hong Kong. There were ten applicants, eight spots and I'm second on the waiting list. It means I'm DEAD LAST. The WORST applicant they had. And my best friend is the second worst, as she is first on the waiting list. FUCK. I am sad.

But this may make the rest of you laugh:

Naked People